Crap on a Soundtrack

Sound Salvation

Perhaps the only thing cheesier than the aptly-titled Sam Jackson schlock-fest "Snakes on a Plane" is the soundtrack. Full of halfhearted originals and awful remixes, the soundtrack makes you wish the snakes would have won.

Or to paraphrase the words of Capt. Overacting, aka Samuel L., I've had it with these awful mother#$*#$* (soundtracks to these bad mother#$*#$* movies. (At least SOAP is intentionally bad, or at least knowingly awful. What excuse did "The Fast and the Furious" have? None.)

I'm not even sure why some of the artists on the SOAP OST even bother, except Cobra Starship whose single "Snakes on a Plane (Bring It)" has helped create more buzz for a movie overrun with it. With a full length album out later this year, the jokey side-project for Gabe Saporta needs all the buzz it can get, seeing as very few people have heard of Saporta's proper band -- Midtown.
The Cobra Starship song and it's accompanying video are just as playfully bad as the movie. But the rest of the album almost uniformly crap.

The most disappointing track comes from the Soul Machine himself Cee-Lo Green, better known as the singing half of Gnarls Barkley. Cee-Lo has shown an uncanny ability of making bizarre, yet spectacular pop songs. But "Ophidiophobia," or fear of snakes, sounds like a "Crazy" retread. Maybe if Gnarls Barkley hadn't yet come out this song would sound fresh, but now it sounds as tired as the Jackson quote it plays throughout.

Half of the SOAP OST is dedicated to odd remixes of pop-punk songs by bands such as Panic! at the Disco, All-American Rejects and Fall Out Boy. The All-American Rejects offer up "Can't Take It (El Camino Prom Wagon Mix)," which replaces guitars with synths and keytars as far as I can tell. It's takes any oomph the song might have had if the band's signature crunchy guitar army sound were playing the lead. Instead it's sounds like a bad '80s song.

Perhaps the only highlight of the soundtrack comes from the recently reunited Spearhead, with front man Michael Franti once again at the mic on "Hey Now Now," even though it is used over the ending of the movie, which might be the most unrealistic scene of all because of the ever cool Samuel L. donning a wet suit while learning to surf. There's no way that Jules Winnfield wears a wet suit.

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