Video Rewind: To bark or not to bark

Sorry, not my cup of kibble.

I don't think I'm alone out there. In fact I know I'm not. An informal poll -- OK, me talking to a few friends -- discovered that "Old Yeller" alone is responsible for somewhere around 90 percent of childhood trauma. And there's just no self-help group for "I saw 'Old Yeller' as a child and now I'm afraid my dog will get rabies and I'll have to shoot him"-phobia.

And yet, Hollywood keeps pumping out movies where cuddly little dogs bite the big one. And we're not talking soup bones here.

So, for those of us who don't particularly like to watch the classic "Oh, isn't it so sad, Doggy just saved Timmy from the monster by taking 47 bullets from an Uzi while the voice-over man was away at college and now Doggy's dying" scene, here's a selection of films where the dog in no way dies.

For those of you who may have given up on dog films altogether after suffering through enough canine emotional turmoil, you might want to give "Best in Show" a try. Rated PG-13, this isn't a movie for everyone, but it is definitely a movie for anyone who loved "This is Spinal Tap" or "Waiting for Guffman." Directed by Christopher Guest, who also stars and co-wrote with Eugene Levy (another co-star), this mockumentary takes us behind the scenes of the dog show world and the wackos who inhabit it. It features Catherine O'Hara, Michael McKean and Parker Posey.

It's wonderful to watch the show dogs strut their stuff, though you do feel a little sorry for them having to deal with their owners -- one is a dysfunctional couple; another is a redneck who wants to be a ventriloquist (Guest); and another is a couple where the wife (O'Hara) has slept with almost everyone they meet and the husband (Levy) literally has two left feet.

Most of the dialogue is ad-libbed, letting the actors show their comedic talents in some of the most extremely awkward situations. But the dogs manage to steal the show in the final act when they take the stage at the dog show -- and while not every dog wins, at least none of them get shot.

But if dry satire isn't your thing, maybe a cop movie is. "K-9" was overshadowed by "Turner and Hooch," both coming out in 1989. But while Hooch died, the star of "K-9" lived on for several straight-to-video releases such as "K-911" and "K-9 P.I."

In "K-9" (PG-13) James Belushi stars as Dooley a rogue cop who just can't keep a partner (clich alert), so with the help of a friend he gets a K-9 partner named Jerry Lee -- "The Killer" for those rock 'n' roll buffs -- to help him track down a drug dealer who tried to have him killed. At first, of course, Dooley and Jerry Lee don't get along: Jerry won't stay in the car, Jerry is disgusting, etc. But soon the two become a powerful crimefighting team. Bet you didn't see that coming, did ya? And most importantly, even more important than catching the crooks, Jerry Lee doesn't die.

Jerry Lee doesn't die in the sequel "K-911" (PG-13) either, although he does suffer the signs of aging, as does Dooley. The movie starts with cute montage of how the two start their day: waking together, showering together, even eating their cereal out of the same bowl. But when Jerry Lee can't chase down a crook, the clich police chief orders them both to have a physical. Jerry Lee checks out OK, just old. Dooley refuses to accept that Jerry Lee isn't as up to par as he used to be and starts his own training program for Jerry Lee. Meanwhile, someone is trying to kill Dooley.

Dooley and Jerry Lee are partnered with another K-9 pair, Welles (Christine Tucci) and Zues, a Dutch-trained attack dog. At first, of course, the two pairs don't get along, but soon they become a powerful crimefighting team. Deja vu, anyone?

The real joy behind both "K-9" movies is the chemistry between Belushi and Jerry Lee. While not a great starter movie for kids, it's a good one for teens who want a little action but aren't quite ready for blood and guts.

Now for the little ones: If you don't want to scar them for life and have them starting their own branch of the "I watched 'Old Yeller' " group, pay attention. Do not show them movies where the dog, or any animal dies. Especially by being shot by a kid. Instead, just for example, try showing them "Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey."

In this remake of the Disney classic, Michael J. Fox stars as the voice of the pup Chance, Don Ameche as the voice the elder dog Shadow and Sally Field as the voice of the cat Sassy. The three animals are left with a caretaker when their family goes on vacation. Determined to find their way home (hence title) the three take off on their own. Led by Shadow and his determination to take care of his boy, the other two follow him into the wilds where they outrun a bear, a mountain lion, survive a waterfall and save a little girl's life.

The story is narrated by Chance as he undergoes a change in the way he looks at humans (he's been to the pound, and doesn't trust many people), especially from what he learns from Shadow. Meanwhile, the family is trying desperately to locate their lost pets. After the little girl is rescued, the people who find her (thanks to Shadow) recognize the three pets from posters the family had hung around the area and take them to an animal shelter so they can notify the family. Unfortunately, Chance freaks at the sight of the pound and the three of them choreograph a hysterical escape.

"Homeward Bound: The Incredible Journey" (G) is a great movie for the whole family, especially young animal lovers. It also teaches lessons on loyalty, family, friendship and never giving up. And Sassy gives her own lesson, which I found to be one of the most important of all: "Cats are cool; Dogs drool."

Charlie Potthast is the Showcase editor and can be reached at cmpotthast@naplesnews.com.