Lessons in love

These men -- who ranged in age from new dads to real experienced dads -- got up early on a recent Saturday to spent five hours in a class called: "Great Dads: The 6 Basics of Being a Great Dad." The non-denominational seminar was set up to train dads to be great by presenting helpful and practical hints to use in their sometimes harried every day lives.

"This is not a one-shot thing," said the Rev. Richard Mueller, who helped organize the event at St. John. "We'd like to work at adding to it and continuing on this vein."

It started with him and a few of the parish dads experiencing the same program at Trinity- By-the-Cove Episcopal Church about six months ago. So enamored were they with the national program that Mueller said they had to bring it to St. John the Evangelist.

And looking around the room last Saturday, Mueller was visibly pleased with the results. "We have a good mix of age groups," he said.

That mix included lawyers, community leaders, businessmen and the like.

"Most of us know what we need to do," said Jeff Snyder, one of the dad's attending the seminar. "But, the support (is great)."

Snyder is the father of a 7- and 9-year-old. Six months ago he and his wife sold their business and moved their family south to the Naples area. "We wanted to pare things down to the four of us."

And that's what the seminar was all about -- getting back to the basics of parenthood.

"Don't put yourself on a guilt trip," seminar facilitator Tom Crook said, explaining that dads will have good and bad parenting days. "Celebrate your successes."

Crook -- a father of three adult children and grandfather to one and one on the way -- said he didn't always do the right things as a parent. "I might be a great dad because of this seminar, but I made my share of mistakes."

But, he added, "I know you're in love with your children -- that's why you're here ... You're giving a terrific gift to your kids."

Crook explained that he started with the program four years ago because he liked what he saw. Great Dads is a national organization that aims to see fathers across America turn their hearts to their children, thereby strengthening families and society in general. Founded by Robert Hamrin, the author of "Straight From a Dad's Heart: 12 Keys to Joy-Filled Fathering," (Thomas Nelson, 1993), Hamrin has set up a simple action plan which all fathers can follow.

Basically, "We want to invest ourselves into our children," Crook told the group.

And fathers can do that by doing six basic things: Providing unconditional love and affection, spending quality time with them, communicating constantly and creatively, partnering with mom, instilling moral and spiritual values and establishing their own fathering legacy.

Throughout the seminar Crook tossed out statistics and stories about kids.

The sad thing is that 25 to 50 percent of dads who are there physically aren't there emotionally for their kids, Crook said. "About 40 million children are suffering from some sort of father absence."

	AT A GLANCE
	The next Great Dad seminar is planned for Jan. 24. For information, call St. John the Evangelist church office at 566-8740.

1) From the word of God;

2) From your children;

3) From Dad's who've already "been there and done that";

4) From spouses; and

5) From doctors or other experts.

It's all about one thing: fathering power. Crook said it boils down to "how we invest our energies" as dads.

"It takes time and constant effort," Crook said of being a great dad. But, he added that in the end it's all worth it and comes back tenfold when the children become adults and they still call on the phone for advice because they value what their father has to say.

Crook knows from experience. Recently, his 27-year-old son called him to chat about some major career choices he was facing. It made Crook feel so good that his son trusted him.

"I'd like to think he wanted to know if he was on the right path," he said with a smile.