STORY TOOLS

• E-mail story
• iPod friendly
• Printer friendly

Tell us about it

• What would you add to this story? Tell us what we missed.
• Do you have photos from this event? Documents we need to see? Share with us.
• Upload photos & videos
• More ways to get your stuff online and in the paper.

More All

• It’s Christmastime at Palm Cottage
• Great Depression unlike today’s troubling times
• You Review Movie: John Augustine

Share and Enjoy [?]

In the 16th century, William Shakespeare asked, “What’s in a name?”

He argued that names are irrelevant. It’s substance that matters. A rose, if called something else, would smell the same.

Apparently, the folks at the World Meteorological Organization disagree.

Why else would the body, which sets the annual list of hurricane names, retire the names of particularly bad storms?

No one need worry about another Hurricane Andrew or Hurricane Katrina. Those are two of the names that have been taken out of circulation by the authorities. The names themselves pack such a punch that they shall never again be visited upon the land.

So if the names of hurricanes somehow hint at what they hold in store, what can be gleaned from the names on tap for the 2006 hurricane season, which begins today?

With the help of the book, “The Baby Name Wizard,” by Laura Wattenberg and the Web site, americanbaby.com, here’s the prevailing wisdom on the 2006 hurricane names, coupled with an entirely unscientific analysis of what that might portend as the storms materialize.

Alberto: “Teetering on the edge right now. ... The bet here is that the wind will blow in Albert’s favor and his gentlemanly essence will prevail.” Sounds like a mild storm. But that teetering on the edge business is a bit disconcerting.

Beryl: “Most people say Beryl is a fat, talkative woman....” Uh, oh. A wide storm with a lot of wind.

Chris: “Smart, likable and lots of fun.” One of those storms that comes near enough to close schools to foster hurricane parties, but doesn’t do any damage.

Debby: “Tends to be overlooked today ...” A storm that appears innocuous then suddenly turns or strengthens to catch people by surprise.

Ernesto: “Slow moving, reliable....” If you’re in the track of this one, watch out. It isn’t going to make any sudden moves and slow-moving storms stay around longer to do more damage.

Florence: “The name Florence has two different images: a vivacious woman who is cheerful and charming or a prudish, quiet old maid.” As far as hurricanes go, prudish and quiet don’t sound too bad.

Gordon: From the Old English meaning, “Hills of the plains.” A storm that works its way inland and dumps a foot of rain on the Midwest.

Helene: “A little boring? Perhaps.” Must be that storm that swirls around in the Atlantic 1,000 miles from land while the news networks break in every 15 minutes to update you on its position.

Isaac: “Like Noah, Isaac used to sound forbiddingly ancient.” Anything associated with Noah also sounds forbiddingly wet.

Joyce: “Look for a comeback in your grandchildren’s generation.” So at least Hurricane Joyce won’t be bad enough to have the name retired.

Kirk: “... a great deal of strength.” Mr. Sulu, lay in a course for ...

Leslie: From the Scottish Gaelic meaning “from the gray fortress.” Apropos, as anyone who has seen the wall of a big storm approaching can attest.

Michael: “It’s Old Testament! It’s New Testament!” Yikes. All that biblical stuff sounds apocalyptic.

Nadine: “Quiet, stodgy and perhaps a bit stuck-up.” A small storm that stays away from people.

Oscar: “This name has so many powerful associations that they cancel one another out.” We’ve all heard the meteorologists talk about a storm so strong it tears itself apart. This year that storm will be called Oscar.

Patty: “One of the true mid-century classics.” Ominously, the same could be said of Donna.

Rafael: “Consider the three archangels: Michael was the most popular name in America for half a century. Gabriel is a fast-rising favorite. And Rafael? Still lurking quietly in the shadows.” Again all that talk of archangels conjures thoughts of an apocalypse. Let’s hope we don’t get this far into the alphabet.

Sandy: “Makes sunny Sandra even sunnier.” A sunny hurricane?

Tony: “Well-built.” It’s that storm that looks so good on the color weather radar.

Valerie: From the Latin word meaning “strong.” Beware.

William: “Among the essential 20th century names.” Also among the essential names of the 19th, 18th, 17th and 16th centuries. Just ask William Shakespeare.

- - -

E-mail Brent Batten at bebatten@naplesnews.com