Don't feed that guy; he's just the piano player

Q. We've hired a very expensive 10-piece band for our reception. My fiance thinks because they cost so much we shouldn't have to feed them, but I think that's rude. Who's right?

A. While you're not exactly obligated to serve a meal to your vendors (unless they include the provision in their contract), it's definitely in good form provide nourishment for people who will be working a 4-6 hour reception. You can't expect tip-top service from musicians who are light-headed with hunger, no matter how much you're paying them!

Give your caterer a vendor head count and a meal plan a couple days before the wedding (you should also include the photographer and his/her assistant). You don't have to feed them the same gourmet meal as your guests: Simple sandwiches or a lesser expensive hot meal will suffice. Depending on how you've planned the music for the day (i.e. continuous music vs. a break for meal time), talk to your site manager about where and when your vendors can take a dinner break, and trust them to provide.

Carley Roney, co-founder and editor in chief of The Knot, the nation's leading wedding resource, advises millions of brides on modern wedding etiquette at www.theknot.com.