Don Farmer: Meeting the parents (us)

If a young woman wonders how her boyfriend will look later in life, an aphorism says she need only look at his father.

Therefore, my wife and I waited nervously as our adult son and his girlfriend came for the weekend. Any minute we’d meet a woman about whom he has waxed rhapsodic, saying, “I really want her to meet you and you to meet her. REALLY.”

As we waited for them to arrive, we mentally tracked them down Interstate 75, as in, “Well they should have passed the outlet mall by now,” or “Sure hope they don’t miss the Marco exit.”

We anticipated a lovely woman and a lovely weekend, tinged slightly with a sort of “Fear Factor” meets “American Idol” fear that she might be secretly disappointed, fear that we might be voted off the island that weekend, letting us down easy in their text messaging critiques.

All that melted away quickly. As they arrived and we greeted them in the driveway, she didn’t take a look at me and flee for Alligator Alley to a safe haven in South Beach. She gave us hugs and came in the house smiling. That was a good sign.

We all said mostly the right things and were terribly clever, I thought. The girlfriend was very cute, with an outgoing yet easygoing manner. She laughed easily and smiled naturally and enjoyed a witticism or two with us, which means she has a superior sense of humor.

We were better behaved than the Fockers, if not as wildly entertaining as were Streisand, Hoffman and De Niro in that movie about meeting the parents. And I don’t think we bungled much.

OK, I did get her last name wrong in one late-evening conversation, but quickly chalked it up to a senior moment or the mature cabernet sauvignon or both.

Nature played a role as well, as we took the cuddly couple on a sunset ride in our old deck boat. A couple of dolphins popped out of the water as if on cue, osprey flew over and skimmers flew by. Sunset over Caxambas Pass was a perfect setting for great 400 pixel glamour shots.

Marco’s natural scenery is a wonderful warmer-upper for young grownups who left busy jobs and nice lives in Texas for a quick weekend with the “’rents.” Still, we tried to leave little to chance.

Days before they arrived, we pestered them with e-mail and phone queries, such as “What do you want to drink? Juice, beer, wine, spirits?” They brought a great bottle of wine and loved fresh OJ and the beverage question was a snap.

How about breakfast? Eggs or Egg Beaters? Special K? Grits? Migas? Coco Puffs? Eggs, no yolks, turkey bacon, salsa, a crowd pleaser.

Another parental success was taking them to Bimini’s. They liked the bar and the band, Chris and Beth, but were mostly impressed that Chris and Beth know us.

“They hugged you and everything,” Allison, the girlfriend, said.

Allison and Justin had to get back to real life Sunday, sorry to leave Marco, full of invitations to go see them.

I hope they really meant it, because that same evening I booked flights to Dallas for an upcoming weekend.

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Don Farmer is a former CNN anchor and ABC News correspondent. E-mail: don@donfarmer.com.