Tom Hanson: An experiment in speed on the local raceway known as The Alley

I’ve taken a few trips to Miami recently. My goal each time: to drive the speed limit and see just how many vehicles were speeding. So I set the cruise control at 72 on my Mercury Marquis and set off.

I paid the extra buck at the toll booth, which is designed to beef up police presence. But I was left wondering, where’s the beef?

Zooooooooooom, as the first car whizzed past.

Welcome to the 78-mile strip of Interstate 75. It’s better known as Alligator Alley or just The Alley for you cool, hip people. It should be called South Florida Speedway.

Zooooooooooom.

If you’re driving the speed limit on The Alley, you’re getting passed.

Zooooooooooom.

“And they probably passed you like you were standing still. Didn’t they?” said Debbie Tower, spokeswoman at Florida Department of Transportation, after she heard of my little experiment.

I wasn’t just standing still. It felt like my car was stuck in reverse.

Zooooooooooom.

On the first 78-mile stretch, 79 vehicles had me feeling Linda Ronstadt — “Blue Bayou.”

Hummers, motorcycles, Lexuses, BMWs and Mercedeses drove as if they paid to fulfill their need for speed. Even a green Volkswagen Bug zoooooooooomed by me as if I was on a stationary bicycle.

“I was going about 85,” said Simon Cowell, the driver of the green bug, who is no relation to the “American Idol” judge and no judge of caution either. “You have to go with the flow.”

Zooooooooooom.

In a hurry to see the last day of the King Tut exhibit, I understood why Cowell and his buddies were speeding. But why was everyone else dying to get to the other side of the state?

Once again, “Where are the police?” I thought.

Zooooooooooom.

Zooooooooooom.

Could it be? Yes, two police cars, representing Fort Lauderdale’s finest — at least I think that’s what it read as I squinted to see the blurred patrol cars.

In the two trips, during the 312-mile experiment, a total of 337 vehicles were obviously speeding. During these slow Sunday drives, I spotted a whopping total of five Florida Highway Patrol cars. One had another vehicle pulled over. Another sat hidden on the other side of a bridge. Doing what? Your guess is as good as mine. And the other three FHP cars sat altogether along the side of the road just outside of the Naples substation not far from the Dunkin’ Donuts on Collier Boulevard.

Since February, drivers have been paying an extra $1, or $2.50 each way, to race across The Alley. The money is intended for additional FHP coverage. According to Lt. Doug Dodson with the FHP, there will be 14 troopers who patrol The Alley hired in the next six years.

“It’s an area that sorely needs more coverage,” Dodson said.

But The Alley needs much more, and quick.

Zooooooooooom.

How about an FHP substation at Mile Marker No. 50, the Collier-Broward County line, to make coverage more feasible?

Zooooooooooom.

How about doubling fines for speeding on The Alley?

Zooooooooooom.

And how about eliminating the checkered flag?

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E-mail Tom Hanson at bonitanews.com