Marcophile: Dinner with our dogs — the pooch perspective

Marco's mutts and purebred pooches are woofing about it.

My canine sources say that if our island's doggie demographic could write, they'd fill the Eagle's pages with letters to the editor about this issue.

It is — drum roll, ears up — the idea that the city could allow dogs to accompany humans to outdoor restaurants.

I convened a meeting of CARES (Canine Access Rights Executive Symposium), my confidential committee of Marco dogs, to see how they would feel if our city council voted to allow doggies to be at our sides or at our feet as we eat al fresco.

CARES is composed of one dog each among the American Kennel Club's list of the ten brightest breeds: border collies, poodles, German shepherds, golden retrievers, Doberman pinschers, Shetland sheepdogs, labrador retrievers, papillons, rottweilers and Australian cattle dogs.

Note that I would challenge the idea that those are the ten brightest breeds, but for research purposes, I'll use the AKC list for Now. As I called the meeting to order, all the dogs were buzzing about the concept of tagging along when the humans eat out.

"The best thing about it," woofed Hans, the German shepherd, is that the law doesn't allow cats!"

That remark brought joyous arfs of approval.

"Yeah, and no birds and no gerbils or goldfish either. Dogs rule!"

Applause all around. Soon I discovered that not all our dogs are panting to sit at our feet while we eat.

"Ya know," said Buster, the rottweiler, "my people don't sit around me on the floor while I eat, so why should we have to be there for them?"

"Yeah," barked Jake, the lab. "It'd be OK if they'd share, but at Marco restaurant prices, can you imagine my male owner sharing his prime rib?"

"Well what about my female boss?" countered Daisy, the poodle. "Salads, salads, salads, that's all she eats. Then she thinks it's hilarious when she drops a morsel of romaine and sees me getting nauseous even picking at it."

"No thanks to that," chimed in Charlie, the border collie. "I'd rather stay in the house and round up all the humans' shoes and pile them up by the front door so they'll trip over 'em as they arrive home."

A dissenter, Princess, the Papillon, rose to her full six inches of height. The room fell silent as she took a deep breath.

"Look, they're just trying to make other folks think they're dog lovers, that they're better than people who leave their dogs home. Cut the humans some slack. Besides, if it means I can stay out of her damn purse for a half-hour, it's worth it."

"Do we get to eat, too, if we go? Do we, do we, do we?" panted Sparky, the golden retriever.

"That's not entirely clear," suggested Shadow, the Shetland sheepdog. "If they bring my IAMS with lamb and rice and bring my favorite bowl to put it in, OK. But if they're gonna toss bread crusts, baby carrots or anything with chipotle on it, I'm outta there."

"Me, too, and I can clear a room with one big snarl," noted Duke, the Doberman.

"Yeah and with luck, we can be down the streets and into the Critter Café in a heartbeat," shouted the Australian cattle dog. "I hear they have a stash of marsupial meat there that rocks!"

I'll call another meeting of the Canine Access Rights Executive Symposium soon, when cooler canines prevail.