Mind Matters: Tips for discovering a life of serenity

Closely related, yet not quite the same as happiness, serenity remains an elusive state of mind eagerly sought but seldom found. Webster's dictionary defines serenity as "the state or quality of being calm, serene or tranquil." Synonyms are "composure, calm, peacefulness."

I associate these words with very few people I have known.

Most of us tend to be anything but serene except on rare occasions — those infrequent days when all seems well with us and the world. I use the word "seems" purposefully.

Ideally we should all be able to attain serenity despite what is happening around us. Perhaps that sounds like a tall order — a real challenge — but it is possible.

To assist you in your quest for serenity I offer a few practical tips.

First, be patient — patient with yourself and others. If you're upset, irritable or unmotivated, develop a habit of simply noticing your state without judging it. If you make a mistake, erase it and start over. If it can't be erased, forgive yourself. When you forgive yourself it is much easier to begin anew with a clean slate. It also helps you to be more forgiving of others.

Secondly, stay focused in the moment, on the task at hand.

We can only do one thing at a time in any given second, even when multi-tasking. It is always a temptation to obsess about how much there is to do and how little time is available. To worry about what isn't done while trying to accomplish something else takes away energy from the moment, essentially creating a leak that slows you down. Try to stay focused and see how much easier it flows and how much more time you seem to have.

Thirdly, respect your body. In our culture we push ourselves unmercifully and treat our bodies like slaves. Sleep deprivation and insomnia are rampant. Lack of sleep increases irritability, the opposite of serenity. Inability to relax takes a toll on peace of mind. When we attend to the most basic acts of life we discover they contribute greatly to the inner peace we crave.

They include sufficient rest, relaxation, healthy food served on a regular schedule and adequate exercise.

Last, but definitely not least, learn to keep life situations in perspective. If you're five minutes late, don't increase your stress level by stepping on the gas. Take a few deep breaths, stop looking at the time and know that you will arrive when you arrive. If you left home too late or were detained by traffic, there's nothing you can do, so you might as well give in to the situation. Next time you will leave earlier.

A sense of humor helps to keep a realistic perspective.

Instead of complaining, find a way to laugh, even at yourself.

We tend to take ourselves too seriously anyway.

Life seldom runs smoothly, so we cannot count on external events to provide us with serenity. It's a trait that comes from within, from constant awareness of how we react. We can learn to monitor and master our inner states in order to be serene even when pelted with external chaos.

From awareness develops the realization that we are indeed the masters of our emotions, in that we can choose not to judge but to accept them.

When we judge ourselves we are closing the door to serenity.