Connecting 'bigs' and 'littles'

It was a promising morning for the "bigs" and "littles" of the Big Brothers Big Sisters of Southwest Florida at Lakes Regional Park in South Fort Myers Saturday as the drenching rains of the previous evening gave way to a clear, bright-blue morning. Hoola hoops, kites, companionship and food added to the summertime fun at the organization's annual picnic.

The promise of brighter times is a key component to this local chapter of the nation-wide organization.

"People need to understand, it's not the big miracles we're looking for, it's the daily interaction between the big and little," said Diane Connell, interim chief executive officer. "It may not look like anything is happening, but there are real positive connections being made when a big and a little get together, and those connections last and carry on."

Nearly 120 people gathered at the east end of the park Saturday to celebrate another year of connections and friendships, and Connell said the numbers of children involved is constantly growing. Currently, there are more than 400 children matched up with mentors through the program, and another 304 on a waiting list.

"One of our priorities here is to reduce the waiting list," she said. "Not only the number of children on the list, but, more importantly, the time they spend waiting to be placed with a mentor." Some "littles" on the list have been waiting for up to two years, she said.

Both Kloie Alexander, 10, and her older sister, Kaila, are on the waiting list, and mother Kris said she is hopeful both her daughters will find a new big sister soon.

Three years ago, a short month after Mother's Day, Kaila and Kloie's older sister passed away, and by Christmas of the same year, their father had moved out, leaving both girls reeling from the upheavals in their lives.

Kris Alexander, now a single mother living in San Carlos Park, said she has seen clear changes in the girls' behavior and a desperate need for someone to talk to.

"I think the program will help them feel better about everything that has happened," she said. "I can't do this alone. I can't give them everything they need — emotionally they need more."

A large percentage of the children coming into the program are considered "at risk youth," according to Connell. Typically from lower income homes, often single-parent homes or with one or both parents incarcerated, these children are seeking friendship, guidance and stability, as well as simply enjoying the fun of being a kid.

However, falling under specific income or family situation guidelines is not a requirement for inclusion in the program, stressed Connell.

"Any child that needs or wants a mentor is welcomed," she said.

At the other end of the equation, the adult volunteers come from a wide variety of locations, motivations and situations, according to Connell. Many mentors come to the Big Brothers Big Sisters program after hearing about the organization through friends or co-workers, she said, but added that the chapter does approach various social and civic organizations to tell them about the program and encourage them to volunteer.

"Another great source in this area has been retirees and also students," she said. "We have had probably 40 to 50 kids from FGCU this past year as well as some high school kids that are mentoring younger children."

The one common denominator found in all mentors is that they like children, she said. Often the retirees have grandchildren that live in other parts of the country, and are trying to find a connection with a local child.

One of the main concerns expressed by potential mentors is the time commitment, said Connell. The introduction of a second type of mentoring problem has alleviated some of those concerns, however. Along with the traditional community based program, there is a "Bigs in School program offered by the chapter.

In the traditional, community-based program, "bigs" and "littles" go out on the weekends or after school and spend time together doing the things a parent would do with their own child. Visiting the park, the beach or going bowling are popular pastimes for kids and their mentors, said Connell, but said often it is something as mundane as running errands and going shopping. The goal for this mentoring program is to spend 10 hours a month interacting with your little brother or sister, said Connell.

"The "bigs" are not required to spend a lot of money and take them (the "littles") to exciting places or have something fun planned every single time they get together," Connell said. "A lot of it is simply doing things the "big" has going on in his or her life."

The underlying goal is to establish a relationship with the child so they are able to increase their self-esteem, confidence and ability to care about themselves and their world, said Connell. She said even six months, which is the benchmark relationship-length set by the national organization, they respond positively to the association and exhibit positive changes in attitude and behavior.

In the "Bigs in School" program, mentors meet with their kids only during the school year and only during school hours. This less time-intensive option focuses more on educational matters, but still includes the positive aspects of a relationship between child and mentor, Connell said.

More important than the amount of time, said Connell, is honoring the commitment between child and mentor.

"If you say you are going to meet with your 'little' at a certain time, it is very important to stick to that," she said. "If you consistently miss that, it becomes something not as important to the child."