Money $marts: Some ideas for really wasting your money

Sleep challenged and watching late night television infomercials, I thought of my mother-in-law. She was a terrific lady — a stewardess on TWA in the — 50s when registered nurse certification was required. She raised six children and never retired, working 12 hour days caring for the elderly until her time came.

Her one great weakness, however, was worthless "investments." She had entire collections of decorative plates (e.g. Elvis,) owned land in the Arizona desert, bought time shares, attended many high fee seminars touting the latest "great new business opportunity" and purchased money-making systems for which she had little acumen or affinity.

She was a sucker for sales pitches, naíve about investment value, ignorant of markets and unappreciative of the effort required to be successful in any business.

Television infomercials count on the commonality of these traits.

Here's the sales pitch for a foreign currency trading system: "Play the foreign currency markets. Make thousands daily by understanding the tricks of the experts. Listen how Joe and Mary Smith made $27,000 in one night following some simple trading rules. John Jones made $18,450 in just three hours."

An infomercial for a stock trading system has virtually the same sales pitch with the added gimmick: "when the three indicators all turn green, it's time to buy. It's that simple!" John Burley's"Progressive Profits Real Estate System" or John Beck's "Free and Clear Real Estate System" guarantees that they — oops, I mean you — will get rich using their system.

Then there's Steve Scott's "Master Strategies of Super Achievers" which contains the secret principles of success. Oh they and also double as secrets for marriage success and triple for weight loss secrets (wow, three for one.)

It is impossible to consistently make money in financial markets by following "systems." Infomercial profit testimonials are the lucky three out of thousands. ("Individual results will vary" says the fine print). Similarly, while the creators of real estate systems probably made lots of money, only a few are able to duplicate that result.

Finally, here are my free secret principles for super achievement, long lasting marriage and weight loss. Work hard at something you love to do; be kind and honest; energy (calories) consumed should equal energy expended.