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Are we ever really prepared to lose a parent? Deep inside each of us is a little child always believing that Mommy and Daddy will never leave us. We may be old enough to have grown children and even grandchildren ourselves but when a parent dies we are children again. A parent is irreplaceable no matter how old we are.

Some of us learn that lesson too late. That’s because intellectually, although we know death comes for all of us, we can’t accept that it will happen to us, at least not anytime soon. So we postpone the conversations we should have had or the visits we should have made to our loved ones.

My mother died more than 40 years ago, much too young, taking with her answers to questions that continually pop into my head as the years go by. There was so much I never had a chance to learn about her, our family tree, what she thought about a thousand things. I am bereft not just because she died, but because there are so many blank places in my mind that I can never fill. I still look in her recipe box for her favorite dishes. Her handwriting clutches at my heart and I remember all the sweet times we enjoyed together during my childhood.

Last week my son came to visit. He lives a plane ride away. I was pleased as punch to see him. We had a wonderful time together reminiscing. He’s a great cook and we shared my mother’s recipes — a velvet cord that ties the generations together.

Contemporary families are so spread out that it’s difficult to maintain close relationships, not just with our parents, but with our siblings as well. The result of this distancing from each other is not a happy one. We’ve replaced close-knit families, living in the same neighborhood, with support groups made up of strangers. It’s no wonder so many people feel depressed. It’s today’s truism that the few times whole families get together is either for a funeral or a wedding.

This is just what happened to a friend of mine. Her mother died. She hadn’t seen her siblings in several years. She works full time and is raising a family, as are her brothers and sisters who are scattered all over the map. Getting together was always postponed. Their mother’s death is bringing them together to disperse her ashes. It’s a bitter thought and not without its irony. It took the mother’s death to get all her children in one place at the same time.

It becomes ever more difficult to keep families communicating with each other. Everyone leads such busy lives they rarely stop to think that time is passing swiftly by. It’s easy to forget family. You think that they’re always there when you get the time. But that’s isn’t the way it is. Illness and death have a way of barging into our lives at the most unexpected times.

I want my children to remain close while I’m alive and can enjoy them. I celebrate the invention of the Internet. This wonderful communication tool lets my children keep in touch, talk, and send jokes to each other as well as photos of their children. My children and I are in daily touch with each other over the Internet. In today’s world, that tool is a must, as far as I’m concerned.

The answer to the question of whether we’re ever prepared to lose a parent is a resounding “NO.” The pain of regretting what we neglected to say to our parents while they were alive never goes away. Death is always with us, and family reunions are a lot more fun when everyone is alive. Call your mom and dad today. Tell them what’s happening with you and that you love them. You’ll never regret doing it.

Reach Barbara Bova at babovacolumn@aol.com