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For many of us, Halloween is a last-minute holiday. It’s an event that only appears on our radar when we realize the reason for our queasy stomach is sensory overload of orange and black.

Last-minute awareness requires fast action if we want to take part in Halloween —a once obscure holiday which dark side meant something once but now is cartoonized for mass, guilt-free enjoyment.

Our fear factor is feigned for effect and fun. We pretend Halloween is for kids even as adults shop for costumes that don’t make our butts look fat.

We’d rather go to a party dressed as a referee or a zebra (vertical strips are slimming, right?) than a Pillsbury Doughboy or Rosie O’Donnell.

Adults have hijacked Halloween. I think it ranks right behind commercial dollars spent with Valentines Day and Christmas.

Now, about last minute Halloween stuff one can rush out and get so you don’t try to make the scary scene in a tired old pirate hat or a Ron Paul fright mask.

The key to Halloween chic is how you accessorize your outfit. Don’t forget the line from the Steel Magnolias movie, “The only thing separating us from the animals is the ability to accessorize.”

Here are suggestions for last-minute Halloween shoppers:

Sports fans can find accouterments to match their favorite teams. One can buy Florida Gator or FSU Seminoles-decorated pumpkin trick-or-treat buckets for about $20.

Amazon.com has a designer-inspired skull and crossbones watch for $38.

You can download —for $0.88— music from scary movies performed by 101 Strings. I’ve heard it on elevators.

Car buffs can trick out their rides with a Mr.Gasket chrome plated skull gearshift knob, $15. A matching skull and crossbones license plate frame is $6.

Want scary edibles? How about scoring a gross (weight) of Dr. Scab’s Body Parts? It’s a “delicious assortment of realistic looking body parts. Chocolate toes, fingers and ears and peanut butter-filled lips and eyeballs.” You can get 13 individually foil-wrapped body parts for about two bucks. Caramel eyeballs are not included but available separately. Yum!

Now to the costumes. A wicked website, www.progressiveboink.com, has some suggestions on how to offend everyone in sight with your trick–or–treat getup.

Go as a clump of sod. It’s a do-it-yourself supersaver costume —just cover yourself in dirt and grass clippings.

Go as scar tissue. One benefit is that most people who see you will feel sick and you can get their candy.

Make your Halloween statement going as a Peeping Tom. Wear a pair of old sweatpants and a tank top. Instead of ringing the doorbell, just look in the windows of each house until they spot you, then run. Use different locations, such as in a tree with binoculars or in some bushes with no pants on.

These are the twisted ideas from progressiveboink.com —not mine. Funny in a child-like way. I mean, the same way that eight-year-olds go hysterical when an adult says the word “butt.”

So maybe Halloween still can be for the kids after all, even if people are giving them chocolate eyeballs and spleens rather than Snickers or Tootsie Pops.

Scariest of all —did you know you can still buy candy cigarettes? They’re about $0.11 a piece in a pack of 120 handy candy cancer sticks. They come in little packs that bear a resemblance to real cigarette packs. The sales slogan: “You’ll get hooked on these!”

Now that puts the trick into trick-or-treat, big time!

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Chris Curle is a former news anchor for CNN and for ABC TV stations in Atlanta, Houston and Washington, D.C. E-mail: chris@chriscurle.com.