Chris Curle/Special to the Eagle

Chris Curle/Special to the Eagle

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This is a David and Goliath story of a local man versus “Big Telephone,” Embarq, our area’s land line phone company.

The man is Gary Rosen, frequent emcee around town, including last summer’s Dancing With the Stars gala. He’s also a public relations executive in the entertainment industry, sometimes seen on the E! cable network.

Gary owns a condo at Fiddler’s Creek. Last June he had an Embarq phone line installed. He tried it. No dial tone. When he reached Embarq on his cell phone, the response was, “You do have service.”

“No,” said Gary, “I paid for service but don’t have any.” Embarq insisted, “We’re showing a signal.”

“Show, schmow,” Gary retorted. “There’s nothing.”

“We’ll send someone to fix it,” Embarq said.

They did. It worked for a while but soon Gary was unable to make long distance calls or use voicemail.

“I was told that was not possible and made no sense. Then the phone rang. ‘Hello, I said.’

“Hi Peter,” said the voice.

“Sorry, no Peter here,” Gary said.

Peter got several more calls. Gary called Embarq again.

“Apparently all Peter’s calls were going to my phone and my calls were going somewhere in outer space,” Gary reports. “What was really fun was, Peter’s calls also went to his home, so we could have a three-way conversation. He seems like a nice guy.”

Turns out Peter lives in the next building and the wires got crossed. “But my phone number stopped working. No one I knew could reach me,” groaned Gary.

Again Embarq told Gary that was not possible but dispatched a tech. “He was John, the same guy who had come before. He fixed it, but soon after that I couldn’t make outgoing calls and had no voicemail, nada. At 6 a.m. the next day the phone rang. ‘Hi Peter,’ someone said, and Peter responded. His phone had rung too. I went back to sleep but the phone rang again. It was ‘Caroline’ for Peter.”

Gary told Caroline that he was not Peter and she said, “Oh, I remember you. This happened a while back, right?”

Gary called Embarq again. “They said I must be wrong, but I persuaded them to send a tech. It was John again, my new best friend.”

John greeted Gary with a smile. “How have you been Mr. Rosen?”

“Peachy, John, just peachy.”

John checked the lines and found them crossed, with Gary getting Peter’s calls, again. John fixed it again, telling Gary that this had happened three times in the past several months. John said he was a policeman in New York.

“I asked John if he could shoot Embarq,” Gary says laughing. “He grinned and said no, that he had to turn in his gun.”

Gary then phoned Embarq and asked for a credit for all his inconveniences and time.

“They offered a three-day credit or a $20 customer appreciation thing.”

I called Embarq’s national public relations guru Tom Matthews. He investigated and reported back that yes, Gary’s lines were crossed, but that it’s okay now . He says it happens, but rarely.

Embarq is sorry. Gary can make calls. But I’ll bet Peter and Caroline miss him. — Don

New home for loved chefs

For many Islanders, the favorite off-island restaurant used to be the nearby Au Paradis. When it left East Naples more than a year ago, we all wondered where Chef Bernard and Maria Grand-Clement had gone.

They’re open and flourishing now in Naples, at Airport and Pine Ridge roads in Bed, Bath & Beyond Plaza.

The café and tearoom, Bistro Paradis, has menu and ambience in the true French tradition. Chef Bernard is excellent at many things, but some fans rave most about his soups. They’re on the new menu and are available for take out, along with quiches, salads, meat pies and pastries.

Maria and Bernard also have a small gift shop with imported tea and coffee, French Presse Cafetiere pots and English tea china.

“We’re open 10:30 a.m. to 6 p.m. Monday through Friday, with happy hour and early dinner, featuring French bistro fare 4 to 6 p.m.,” Maria says.

“And there’s more. We also have a ‘cool’ factor. I’ll be hosting a couple of open mics each week. Afternoon events will showcase poetry and story telling. Evening events will feature music or comedy from local or up-and-coming artists.”

Their phone — — 598-2221. — Chris

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E-mail Chris at Chris@chriscurle.com and Don at Don@donfarmer.com.