“Hi, and welcome to another installment of the world’s most popular television game show: ‘Are You Really That Gullible?’ the game show where we take ordinary, well-meaning, if perhaps a little dim-witted, Americans in Red States, throw them together with Blue Dogs and make them serve our corporate masters, especially the health insurance companies.

“Today, we tackle so-called health care reform, where sinister forces, allied with socialist-Hare Krishna-granola-eating rabid wombats are trying take away our sponsors’ enormous profits and give you adequate and useful health care!

“Today’s episode is sponsored by BlueDog/BlueScreed, because we never have enough profit! And you can tell that because we have money to pay for this TV show and spend $1.4 million each month to lobby the Congress.

“Okay, let’s get right into the game. Today we’re playing with Homer, from Down Yonder, Florida.”

“Homer, your first question: Do you believe health care reform will end up providing free medical to thousands of undocumented Mexicans who want to move in with your wife?”

Homer: “Well, no I don’t think that’s true.”

BUZZER… “Oh, Homer, I’m afraid you’ve provided the correct answer, but what we’re looking for here in this game is the ‘big lie.’ Had you answered, yes, you would have been awarded 100 points for being so gullible. There’s absolutely nothing in any health care reform bill that will allow for free medical coverage for anyone. But that’s the truth, and we’re looking for lies.

“Okay, let’s move on. Homer, do you believe a faceless, nameless bureaucrat in Washington will decide what doctor you can see and how sick you really are?”

Homer: “Well, no, I think I will still have plenty of choice and if I like my current health care plan and my doctor I will be able to keep them.”

BUZZER… “Oh, dear, Homer. I’m afraid you’ve once again given the correct answer but, remember, we’re looking for the big lie, which is: some ashen-faced, pimply government worker will decide to cut off your right arm just for fun if health care reform is adopted. You need to try harder, Homer, you’re just not being gullible enough.

“Let’s move on: Homer, do you believe health care will be rationed, just like government cheese?”

Homer: “Well, no. None of the bills in Congress call for rationing. Rather, they require companies and the public-option plan to provide a wide range of care, limit out-of-pocket expenses and prohibit pre-existing conditions as a reason for denying health care coverage.”

BUZZER…“Oh, Homer, once again you’ve given the correct answer. But remember, we’re looking for the big lie and that is, ‘Yes, you’ll be rationed health care and given no choice and some Mexican will take your doctor.’ ”

Homer: “But none of that is true.”

“Oh, Homer, you’re just not playing the game correctly. I’m afraid we’re going to have send you home a loser. If only you’d believe these lies we could stop this health care reform in its tracks and keep our sponsor, BlueDog/BlueScreed, in huge profits and sponsoring our TV game show.

“Well, that’s all the time we have today. Tune in next time to, ‘Are You Really That Gullible?,’ when we try to persuade you that President Obama is not a U.S. citizen and is, in fact, some alien from another planet.”

Steve Hart is a fifth-generation Floridian and a sailor, angler, explorer, raconteur, triathlete, amateur citrus-grower and semi-professional theologian who masqueraded as a Florida journalist and pundit for the last 25 years. His book, “Tales from Down Yonder, Florida,” is available at bookstores and online: site.downyonderflorida.com/. Or try the blog: downyonderflorida.wordpress.com/ Or, for a snarky perspective on national politics, try the blog at: www.headlinepress.com/. Find Steve on Facebook: facebook.com/steve.hart1 or follow him on Twitter: @DownYonderFLA

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