Eagle i: Sri Lanka Survivor’s guide

John Moulton is an artist and creative designer who is spending several weeks in Sri Lanka. His job in the textile industry was eliminated when his Miami-based company closed and sold its equipment to a company in Sri Lanka. Moulton will be working for a company there training its workers and he’s writing about those experiences for Marco Eagle readers.

By John Moulton

Eagle i contributor

What would be catastrophic to lose or not have in Sri Lanka in order of priority? I’ll render unto you the top and bottom three.

Number one on the list is your passport. Here’s an article that I keep on my person at all times. Every item check that I perform prior to my departure from the room includes this precious document. This one blue booklet could be the difference between waking up in a grass hammock with painted faces waving incense around me, or a helicopter ride to a semi-modern hospital if I become sick. This glossy paged 3X5 booklet says: “This guy belongs in the U.S.A. so put him closer to the front of the line when it’s time to skedaddle.”

In a land where war is not uncommon and tidal waves wash the earth clean of poorly secured buildings, you bet my passport is the last thing I can afford to drop or lose.

The next item on my list is money. I tip the staff for everything in excess of minor assistance. I throw hundred rupee notes around like they’re dollar bills. Of course they are dollar bills, but the staff doesn’t seem to know it. My father said, “It is a rare problem that can’t be solved by throwing money at it.” When every dollar of yours is worth a hundred of theirs, you can solve a lot of problems.

The third item is my computer: A delicate black box, filled with complex electronics, requiring fastidious care. Bringing a computer to Sri Lanka is like taking a poodle to a dog fight. I care for this thing like its spun gold. I handle it as I would a soufflé fresh from the oven. Without this possession, I would be hard pressed to communicate with friends and family. So you might say that it’s not the computer that is so precious to me, but rather the ability to communicate with family and friends while I’m on the other side of the world!

In retrospect, there are some things that I should not have brought. These are articles whose care or size makes them more of a hindrance then an asset. The following is a short list.

I should have left my sunglasses on my car console for all the good they do me here. No one wears designer sunglasses because no body cares about looking cool. Is the sun too bright for your optical enjoyment? That’s just Buddha telling you to look inward. Nothing says I’m a tourist in Sri Lanka faster then opaque plastic discs on a 6’5,” 250 pound man. It also doesn’t help if you’re wearing a T-shirt with a picture of a hot dog on it, embossed with bold font letters that say “Eat me.”

Dress clothes can be left at home in their wispy dry cleaning bags. I never had much use for dress clothing and apparently Sri Lanka shares my apathy. I brought three pairs of dress pants and three nice shirts. Opportunities for the adorning of such garments must be manufactured. I wear these clothes to dinner because putting them on wastes a little bit of my abundant down time.

Most of the things I do here are calculated to burn the free time I previously would have spent in front of the television. There is a TV in my room, but the majority of the channels are Indian or Sri Lankan. Some are German with English sub-titles and one is CNN World News. Being an American, I could care less about the world.

Shoes are worn only by the staff serving the sandal clad tourists. Flip flops are the overwhelming choice for the smartly dressed Sri Lankan. I’ve often thought about what kind of strange looks I would have gotten if I had worn cowboy boots to this land. I am, after all, the first American most people have ever met or spoken to.

I offer a special note for those thinking of following in my footsteps; just smile. Accept the bottle of olives and the fifth of Vidka (note to editor; that’s how they spell vodka here) except your dirty Martini’s when they are offered.

That’s the top and bottom three list. Hope it helps if you’re thinking of boarding a plane to your destination on Saturday and arriving at Sri Lanka on a Monday. Knowing what I know now, I would have packed differently. What items would I bring if I were asked to make this same trip again (at the point of a gun I might add); a passport, a lot of rupees, and a bottle of olive brine. Everything else is just Buddha telling me to live in the moment.