I applaud staff writer Roger Lalonde’s story headlined “Lely suspends two for season” (Oct. 14) for shedding light on the most recent controversy at Lely High School.
I do, however, feel the need to add some clarification to the events that led to this regrettable situation and perhaps share some insight concerning the undeserved and ruinous result.
My son, Matthew, is one of the players dismissed from the football team. He is not perfect. He made a mistake, a bad choice. He is also a very good kid. He is a well-grounded, self-motivated, dedicated and respectful young man, but still a 17-year-old kid.
I am proud of who and what he is and feel fortunate and blessed to have such a son.
The boys admittedly made a very bad choice. They did not “skip,” as indicated by Principal Ken Fairbanks, but they were out of area between classes.
My son did have a lighter, which he got from his car for another individual to use. My son did not smoke. He does not smoke.
In a sense, this fact is not an issue as the boys were dismissed from the team for walking off the practice field after being taunted by an assistant coach. The boys were completing their punishment as instructed by head coach Dave Miller, when the assistant coach decided to rub it in a little. The boys left the field rather than engage in a verbal exchange with an authority figure. They took the high road and have paid dearly for it.
The coach in question, Jerrod Ackley, admitted to me the next day that he “probably shouldn’t have said” what he did and wished that he hadn’t.
The boys met with Miller the next school day and apologized for walking off the field and indicated that they did so (at the time they were both physically and emotionally drained) rather than get into it with Ackley. The coach’s response was that he would rather they had cussed out Ackley than walked off the field.
We did not raise our son that way and we are appalled that this is the attitude held by a coach/teacher in our school district.
Respect is a character trait that is highly regarded. It is expected in school and should be modeled by mentors to our children.
Fairbanks states that he “does not consider the coach’s remarks to be a major part of the suspension.” He is wrong. In fact, he told me that Ackley had been “dealt with sternly,” although he would not elaborate. He also states that “the statement, though not right, was mild in comparison to what I have heard over my years in education.” Perhaps so, although I don’t know what Fairbanks has heard over the years and this has nothing to do with the situation at hand.
For the adults involved, mistakes were made, principles were compromised, hopefully lessons were learned, and life goes on. For the two youths involved, they made a mistake and have paid dearly for it, with their hopes and aspirations dashed. I am afraid the lesson they have learned is just how unfair life can be. The same people who teach the concept of justice don’t recognize it when it’s staring them in the face.
Matthew watched the Coconut Bowl from the bleachers. He was there with my wife and I as an eighth-grader four years ago, the last time Lely won. He told me then that he was going to play football at Lely.
He lived that dream for 31⁄2 seasons.
Incidentally, there was another man watching the game from the “cheap seats” — former head coach Steve Pricer, who also was dealt an unjust and career-ending condemnation from the administration at Lely High School after over 30 years of dedication to its football program and student-athletes.
But that is another story, and neither one of them is over.
The Daily News welcomes responses of comparable length from those named in this essay. Costello has been involved in the restaurant business in Naples for nearly 30 years. He also is teacher volunteering and substituting in Collier County Public Schools for the past 10 years. His wife, MaryLou, is also a veteran of the restaurant business and has been a full-time teacher at Lely Elementary School for the past 15 years. The Costellos have three sons; Matthew, a senior at Lely High, is the youngest.
Catch of the Day: May 23, 2013
Scripps Interactive Newspapers Group
Comments » 4
stepuporshutup (Inactive) writes:
Let me get this straight. Your son goes to "his car" and gets "his lighter" out of "his car" to give to his friend and he does not smoke. Wow! Really? Then the two boys took the "high road" and walked off the field instead of verbally sparring with a coach who asked them after running as a punishment for smoking - I bet you guys would like a cigarette now? I am not quoting because I was not there but I have heard the story from a number of players and parents and even with a couple of cuss words (which there wasn't)thrown in this doesn't seem to be taunting. It's called a dig, and it's something you do to someone who get's caught doing something stupid. I am going to take a guess that these two boy's hear worse on their car radio's driving to school each morning. You failed to mentioned however that these precious little high road takers slammed their $300 tax payer purchased football helmets off of trees and threw them to the ground on their way to the locker room. Must have slipped your mind. Or your son may have skipped a few fact's here and there. Life's full of lessons and Life lesson #1 "don't do the crime if you can't do the time" so teach your son to man up. The fact he and his teammate thought so little about their coaches and teammates should have been enough for a decent parent to pull their child off of the team instead of choosing to blindly defend them. Shame on you for making the school and the coaches (especially Coach Ackley) take the heat for your son's bad behavior. Life lesson #2, "your not nearly as important as you may think you are". Lely's 2-0 since their dismissal from the team. Go Trojan's.....
MarcoDan writes:
Ask 100 people who don't smoke if they have a lighter. If they have one, it's for something other than cigarettes.....
u2cane writes:
I know I did stuff without my parents knowing, like sneaking out of the house at night (nothing like smoking, nasty bad habit, especially for someone who is an athlete). If these were my kids I would pay a little more attention to what they are doing, because while I understand your first reaction as a parent is to protect your child, reality is staring you in the face. Personally, I don't agree with a lot of what happened and the "lessons" that were taught. Unfortunatley it got to this point. I think if there was discipline for everyone from the beginning (both school and parents), these kids would be better off. Again, just my opinion, but you need to start from the beginning of this whole saga and even in how you raise your children and you can prevent such occurances. All too often you see these sort of things happening all over this country because we have gotten away from doing the right things and holding people accountable for their actions. I'd bet Lindsay Lohan was raised in the same way and look at what a spolied brat she has become. This type of event just doesn't happen overnight, its something that has been allowed to build up until it boils over.
waterday writes:
Having a child at Lely, and another that may go to Lely, I feel the need to comment on this. I also feel that the parent needs to realize that a lighter is used and needed only for a few things. Why would your son have a lighter? the coaches obvious knew why! The coach was correct. However, would the same discipline been given to the black student-athletes at Lely? I have seen the difference already in sports and this applies to Lely and before Lely, I think that the decision of the coaches were correct but the decisions of fairness need to be across the board and not changed because of black or white skin color! Fairness and discipline everyone the same.
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