This column is an update of a July 2008 article. Write to email@example.com
In 2007 the Supreme Court in “Mass v. EPA” decided (5-4) that greenhouse gases are “air pollutants” and the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) is responsible for controlling carbon emissions deemed to be a public danger.
Currently, despite climate scientists admitting to falsifying data and with the implicit support of the Obama administration, the EPA is poised to begin regulating emissions.
Flash forward ten years to a conversation between Hugo Polooter and his wife, Ima, in their suburban home somewhere in America.
“Ima, I’m home. Sorry I’m late. My bicycle broke down on the Righteous Green Pathway. I wish we could afford a car that meets the new EPA 75 mpg standard. Riding a bike 33 miles to work two days a week is not pleasant”.
“I know Hugo, but if you took the car, the fines for exceeding our Individual Transportation Pollution Allotment (ITPA) are huge.”
“What’s for dinner”?
“We have to be careful. The EPA Monitor is coming tomorrow for the quarterly pollutant allotment (PA) measurement. Without a new boiler, we are close to exceeding our home PA which includes personal emissions. With three dogs and two teenage boys in the house the PA gets used up pretty fast. So for dinner we’ll have to forego anything with fiber and make sure everyone takes their Beano.”
“Sounds like a delicious dinner. Tomorrow I’ll mow the lawn. I’ve been putting it off until the grass reached the required cutting length. The EPA Monitor will want some blade samples to make sure we’re in compliance”.
“Try to do it fast, Hugo. Remember, the lawn mower is below standard and has an EPA timer on it.”
“Oh yeah, I forgot. Well if I go over, I’ll just use scissors. I think I’ll go watch NASCAR on TV. It’s fun to see how fast those electric cars can go these days. Some pushed past 70 mph last week. It a sham, the race is only 50 miles long; but the cars do have to be recharged”.
“Did you read the paper today? Scientists are now concluding that global warming is a natural phenomenon and there’s little we can do about it?”
“Yeah, I read that. Where’s the Beano? I had chili for lunch.”