Stuff That Fell Out While I Was Thinking: More celebrity news twaddle

Hello everyone, how about some news from the grocery store checkout lane? You would be amazed at all you can learn as your groceries are being charged and bagged.

The Kardashian sisters. I’m stymied. They are plastered all over TV, the Internet and magazines because why?

Is it because the Kardashian’s father was part of the dream team that helped defend O.J. Simpson? A dubious distinction, at best.

The Kardashian’s mother has since married Olympic gold medal winner, Bruce Jenner. That’s nice, but still, does that make them newsworthy?

Have they researched a cure for cancer? No, that’s not it. Have they volunteered their time and energy to work tirelessly to wipe out hunger and homelessness? No, I don’t think so.

Oh yes, now I remember. Sister Kim took that big booty of hers and put it all up in the face of any photographer that wanted a picture and then plastered said pictures all over magazines, TV and the Internet.

Well, there you go. That ought to buy some reality show bliss.

Mel Gibson. I’m so disappointed. “Braveheart,” what happened to you?

Mel, you are way too easy. Perhaps if you would have stayed married to the woman that bore you seven children, the one that committed to you during the lean years and persevered through the successful years, the one that made a home for you for 29 years, maybe Oksana would not now be well on her way to extorting much of your wealth. I guess you are in the middle of a hard lesson.

I want to believe with all my heart that rage got the best of you and all those comments said in the heat of your fury are not your rational beliefs. Even if that is true I have no idea how you will ever convince your loyal and very disappointed fans. Good luck with that one.

Oh my, poor little Lindsay Lohan, you gave your one and only Oscar performance to the judge that told you enough is enough, my addle brained, booze soaked, prima donna.

I know you have been spoiled a bit and what a drag it must be to have parents that want nothing more than to cash in on your celebrity. Your father never misses a chance to insert his mug on camera when you take a misstep. He’s so sincerely insincere.

But it’s the slammer for you. You will be spending time at the infamous Graybar Motel. I’m pretty sure the lodging is not that of the four star accommodations you are accustomed but have no fear, I’m sure the stay will be over soon. Ninety days? I doubt it. You will probably be out before this little piece is printed.

Just think of the incredible attention they gave Paris Hilton upon her release. It was almost like Moses parting the sea as she strolled through the crowd to her waiting limo. After that, the celebrity press couldn’t get enough of her.

Just think of your jail time as the best publicity you’ve had in a long time and you didn’t have to purchase any of it.

Stepping away from the checkout headlines, I tried to get the real news as I surfed the channels a few weeks ago, hoping to find the progress on the capping of the BP disaster, but all I could find were stories about a basketball player and which team this guy would play for. Le-Who? James-What?

I know nothing about basketball, however I can now assume it is of national importance because it was very hard to get any real news until LeWho what’s his name made a decision.

I did not learn anything new regarding the BP disaster during this time but I did learn that loyalty has nothing to do with a team sport.

Oh well, more news later folks. There is an endless supply of foolish celebrity news and I’m happy to make fun of all of it. Excuse me now as I cruise through the grocery store check out to glean some more twaddle for my next piece.

What’s this? Rumors that Sandra Bullock and Jessie James are getting back together? Oh say it isn’t so Sandra!

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Humor is my favorite venue — sometimes ironic humor, sometimes black humor, sometimes satirical humor and sometimes I hope I can be funny, just for the sake of being funny. I’m not smart enough to offer political humor, but I will be political from time to time. Having been on a diet for most of my waking life, (when I’m asleep I dream in chocolate) there will be plenty of weight loss and diet humor. I may even throw in a couch potato video movie review occasionally. My mission would be that I’m just in it for the fun. Tara Linn can be reached at pahead1@comcast.net.

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