Staff »

BILL KLAUBER

Title: Columnist - Collier Citizen
Contact: | Send BILL an email

Recent Work

  • Ciao: Loving and mothers are close to synonymous, and not only on Mother’s Day Published 05/08/2012 at 3:32 p.m.

    I guess you would have to live under the proverbial rock or be an awakening Rip Van Winkle not to know that this Sunday is Mother’s Day. It would be hard to miss the myriad of print advertisements, television commercials ...

  • Ciao: Living through the up and downs of lives through elevating experiences Published 04/25/2012 at 9:49 a.m.

    Of all of our modes of transportation there is probably none that we take more for granted than the elevator. For me it is my most used form of public transportation and least intrusive.

  • Ciao: Flying high and paying high, too Published 04/10/2012 at 5:14 p.m.

    Strange things seem to be happening in the air these days. It must be the altitude or perhaps a problem with the decompression in the cabins. Whatever it is, it seems to be affecting passengers and crews alike. Oh, I ...

  • Ciao: More madness in the month of March Published 03/27/2012 at 1:16 p.m.

    A month ago, in my column about March Madness, I cautioned that this year, the month of March would have a hard time matching the furious pace of February for local events and activities.

  • Ciao: This is my hospital and your hospital, too Published 03/14/2012 at 10:17 a.m.

    “NCH: This Is My Hospital.” A catchy phrase. Yes, at least I think so. And to the staff of 3,900, the 1,200 volunteers, the 650 affiliated physicians and the 33,000 admitted patients each year, it certainly is their hospital, too.

  • Ciao: March Madness better be good to follow February Frenzy Published 02/28/2012 at 1:27 p.m.

    The old expression about March coming in like a lamb and going out like a lion is not exactly true this year. Rather, it was February that went out like a lion with one roar after another and if March ...

  • Ciao: Why golf is a four-letter word Published 02/14/2012 at 4:16 p.m.

    Well, it’s that time of year again. The ACE Group Classic is underway and will name its new champion this Sunday, barring a weather complication. Originally called the Aetna Challenge, the tournament was played at the Club Pelican Bay from ...

  • Ciao: Defending Washington, D.C. and Naples, Fla. Published 02/01/2012 at 11:12 a.m.

    Washington, D.C.: First in war, first in peace and last in the American League. For years that was the moniker given to our nation’s capital in recognition of the futility of both iterations of the old Washington Senators who, from ...

  • Ciao: Should auld acquaintances not be forgot Published 01/17/2012 at 3:44 p.m. 1 Comment

    Today, Barbara and I will be welcoming “auld acquaintances” who certainly have not been forgotten even though we have not seen each other for many years. In fact, our relationship was such that it would be impossible to forget Lorraine ...

  • Ciao: Not enough football to go with my New Year’s festivities Published 01/03/2012 at 4:45 p.m.

    How’s the first week of your New Year going? For me, for some reason, it seems a bit different than others. Maybe I celebrated a bit too much on New Year’s Eve. Must have because I awoke on New Year’s ...

  • Ciao: Christmastime in Naples Published 12/20/2011 at 5:05 p.m.

    This is the season to be jolly, the season to wish family, friends, neighbors and even strangers Merry Christmas when we see them on the street or meet them in a store or talk to them on the phone.

  • Ciao: ‘Getting there is half the fun’ Published 12/06/2011 at 4 p.m.

    Remember the old airline commercial that “Getting there is half the fun.” Well, with flying the way it is today, I can’t stand any more of that fun. Give me the good old days of flying.

  • Ciao: The day after Thanksgiving Published 11/22/2011 at 12:09 p.m.

    Twas the day after Thanksgiving, and all through the home, not a creature was stirring, for they were all on the roam.

  • Ciao: 11/11/11 only comes around once ... well, once every hundred years Published 11/08/2011 at 12:44 p.m.

    Today is the 11th day of the 11th month in the 11th year of the 21st century. It has been 100 years since that last happened and it will be 100 years before it will happen again.

  • Ciao: With all these bugs around, is there room for the rest of us? Published 10/25/2011 at 4:44 p.m.

    What’s with all of the news stories these days about bugs and other creepy crawling creatures? Recently there has a been a rash of stories about bugs on the loose, including bed bugs which, by themselves, can cause quite a ...

  • Ciao: So many bridges, so many definitions Published 10/12/2011 at 9:52 a.m.

    Some say that the English language is one of the most difficult to learn. For me it would be Chinese or Arabic; English, on the other hand, just seem to come naturally to me. I guess you could call it ...

  • Ciao: Random reflections on a rainy afternoon Published 09/28/2011 at 11:12 a.m.

    I am sitting in my den right now looking out the window happy that I am not outside because it is raining cats and dogs — oops, I just saw a kitten flying by the window — but unhappy that ...

  • Ciao: Proud to be an American on a somber anniversary Published 09/13/2011 at 4:42 p.m.

    Like so many Americans, I was glued to my TV set this past Sunday morning watching the various ceremonies commemorating the 10th anniversary of those unimaginable terrorist attacks in New York, Washington and Pennsylvania.

  • Ciao: I’m still waiting here, trying to be a patient patient Published 08/31/2011 at 9:41 a.m.

    At my age I see many doctors. Cardiologists, gastroenterologists, hematologists, pulmonogolists, ophthalmologists and zoologist (oops, I saw him at Jungle Larry’s). Because my trouble was a pain in my shoulder, I went to see an orthopediologist (a word which I ...

  • Ciao: I may have to start paying all of my bills late Published 08/17/2011 at 10:48 a.m.

    TECO may call itself the “Peoples Gas,” but to me that’s a lot of hot air. TECO certainly is not my “Peoples Choice.” Yes, I refer to the same TECO we all remember so fondly for last year’s extended power ...

  • Ciao: There are no guarantees in fishing Published 08/01/2011 at 9:54 a.m.

    It was a recent Thursday morning when I got up at the crack of dawn and quietly dressed, ate some cereal and creeped out of the house. “Where are you going?” my wife, who had awakened in spite of my ...

  • Ciao: S is for Sunday and Sports Published 07/19/2011 at 5:23 p.m.

    I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. I thought weekends were for relaxing, but I’m not sure how many more weekends like these last few I can take. It’s been a month of Sundays — literally — since I ...

  • Ciao: Summertime and the living is easy Published 07/05/2011 at 4:27 p.m.

    I had a call from my friend Harvey a day or two ago inviting us to visit him on the Maryland shore for a couple of weeks. “Thanks,” I told him, “but right now we are just too busy.” “Too ...

  • Ciao: Golf for the ages Published 06/20/2011 at 12:53 p.m.

    The game of golf is attractive to all levels of golfers, regardless of age, nationality and expertise — or lack of it. Thanks to the handicap system there is a means of parity so that golfers with different skill levels ...

  • Ciao: Don’t forget to honor the Stars and Stripes this Flag Day Published 06/06/2011 at 3:17 p.m.

    June 14 is Flag Day, commemorating the adoption of the Stars and Stripes as the United States flag on that day way back in 1777 and officially declared so in 1949 by an act of Congress. In spite of that, ...

  • Ciao: My remembrances for the Memorial Day weekend Published 05/24/2011 at 12:09 p.m.

    When I think about Memorial Day weekend, I think of the origins of the holiday and how it has morphed over the years. It was first observed as a tribute to American soldiers — Union and Confederate — who served ...

  • Ciao: Take extra special precautions on Friday the 13th Published 05/09/2011 at 3:07 p.m.

    “You know what tomorrow is?” my friend Joe asked me yesterday. “Sure,” I answered, “it’s Friday.” “Yes, but it’s Friday the 13th and Friday the 13th is one of those bad karma days.” “My wife has some of those, only ...

  • Ciao! Bloody Mary is the drink I love Published 04/25/2011 at 4:13 p.m.

    “Bloody Mary is the girl I love, Bloody Mary is the girl I love,” was a song from Rodgers & Hammerstein’s 1949 smash hit South Pacific. “Bloody Mary is the drink I love” refers to my beverage of choice, especially ...

  • Ciao: Enjoying a couple of extra days before filing Published 04/12/2011 at 4:07 p.m.

    My friend Henry called me late last night. He seemed very upset, almost in a panic. He asked if I was paying my income taxes tomorrow — which now is today. “No,” I told him, “I’m waiting until Monday.”

  • Ciao: April foolery headlines that could only appear today Published 03/30/2011 at 11:27 a.m.

    April 1, for years — actually centuries — has been known as April Fools’ Day. On this day permission is granted to embarrass, ridicule or even haze friends, co-workers, and even your boss. In fact just about everybody is fair ...

  • Ciao: Beauty and the beast Published 03/14/2011 at 3:13 p.m.

    Talk about eating your words. My indigestion is so bad that even a bottle full of Maalox hasn’t helped. Remember the column I wrote last fall where I talked about my experiences with barbers through the years?

  • Ciao: Opening it is half the fun Published 03/01/2011 at 12:03 p.m.

    Have you noticed that more and more wines are coming with screw caps instead of corks? And not just Thunderbird and other inexpensive brands. Well, I for one am appreciative of that trend. I wish all wines came that way. ...

  • Ciao! Star spangled moments worth remembering Published 02/15/2011 at 12:04 p.m.

    When Christina Aguilera goofed in her singing of “The Star Spangled Banner” prior to Super Bowl XLV earlier this month, it created quite a stir. Exciting as the game itself turned out to be, what may be remembered the most ...

  • Ciao! The hunt since last October Published 01/31/2011 at 10:22 a.m.

    I am sure you all remember the book and the movie entitled “The Hunt For Red October.” Well, I am engaged in my own hunt which began this past October and still continues. Normally I am an impulse buyer. See ...

  • Ciao! The vagaries of weather in Naples Published 01/03/2011 at 3:38 p.m.

    Cold today and hot tamale! So goes the old expression about the vagaries of weather. And no where or no way has that been more true than here in Naples, especially in the past few weeks. Of course the extremes ...

  • Ciao! A look back at Christmas Eves past Published 12/20/2010 at 9:51 a.m.

    Christmas Eve in our house was always a special night. It was also a family night and a night of readiness and preparedness. Included for us in the preparations was going together as a family to buy a fresh tree. ...

  • Ciao! The skies may be a little too friendly Published 12/06/2010 at 12:53 p.m.

    Whatever happened to the friendly skies? And do you remember the old airline motto that “getting there is half the fun”? Well, today getting there or getting anywhere by air is no longer much fun. And to me getting through ...

  • Ciao! Thanksgiving travels and thoughts Published 11/22/2010 at 11:24 a.m.

    William Shakespeare, in “Hamlet,” wrote the famous question “To be, or not to be.” For us, the question was to go or not to go? The answer was to go, so once again this year, my wife and I are ...

  • Ciao! That’s why they call them waiting rooms Published 11/08/2010 at 10:19 a.m.

    The other day my wife and I arrived at a doctor’s office and we were stunned to find an empty waiting room. “Are you sure this is the right place?” I asked. “Of course it is. I remember that plant ...

  • Ciao! It’s a happening Published 10/25/2010 at 11:23 a.m.

    As usual, I woke up at about 6:30 and I said to my wife, who already was perusing the Naples Daily News, you know what day it is? “Sure,” she responded, “it’s Thursday.”

  • Football food: Kickoff can wait when there's tailgating Published 10/12/2010 at 5:24 p.m.

    The game is still the centerpiece, but it’s just a part of the day’s activities, Mr. Moulton’s opinion notwithstanding. Today there are the pre and post game events and celebrations. There are marching bands, scantily clad cheerleaders and entertainment and ...

  • Ciao! ‘I Do! I Do!’ Published 10/11/2010 at 11:06 a.m.

    Happy days are here again. The skies above are clear again. Happy days are here again. The weather in Naples has indeed been picture perfect the last few days, just in time to welcome back so many of our friends ...

  • Back on solid footing: Naples cobbler resurfaces in new location after closing at mall Published 10/04/2010 at 11:09 a.m.

    Some feared hundreds of pairs of shoes, purses and other leather items were lost, but Master Shoe Repair is back in business.

  • Ciao! There truly is no such thing as a free lunch, or even breakfast Published 09/27/2010 at 3:43 p.m.

    P. T. Barnum is reputed to have said that there is a sucker born every minute. My wife says, and I won’t dispute her, that I was one of them about 41 million minutes ago. (Go ahead, try to guess ...

  • Ciao! Man’s best friend is the barber Published 09/14/2010 at 4:22 p.m.

    With apologies to all of the pooches I have owned and loved, I have always considered the barber as man’s best friend and the barbershop as a guy’s last bastion for privacy and a place where an off color joke ...

  • MinTech of Naples services Mini Cooper cars in a big way Published 09/06/2010 at 6 a.m.

    In these days, when often bigger means better and products are sized large, extra large and grande, there is one that proudly emphasizes its smallness. MinTech opened its doors July 1 at 5567 Taylor Road, in the industrial park area ...

  • Ciao! Viva Las Vegas Published 08/30/2010 at 12:24 p.m.

    Whether you call it Sin City or Paradise Found, there is no place quite like Las Vegas, which in Spanish means fertile plains. It had been almost 20 years since I was last there and the changes have been enormous. ...

  • Ciao! Daytime television in Collier County Published 08/02/2010 at 11:27 a.m.

    Traditionally, weekday television has been dominated by soap operas and talk shows. And on a recent Tuesday morning we saw a pretty good combination of both on the Collier County Government channel.

  • Ciao! Lazy, hazy days of summer Published 07/24/2010 at 10:16 a.m.

    What ever happened to those lazy hazy days of summer?

  • Ciao! Independence Day ponderings Published 07/09/2010 at 11:35 a.m.

    “Two hundred and thirty four years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal.”

Features