About Kevin Heald
No biography available.
02/10/2010 - current
Life is Heald: What's in a name? Could be alcohol, prescription meds or maybe just a mentally deficient derrière
Published 05/08/2013 at 10:21 a.m.
The wife and I were at a concert last week and the opening act was Ted Nugent. Ted is one of your more outspoken, political, vintage rockers and during his show, he paused to say, "The whole world sucks. America ...
Life is Heald: I wish I was in Dixie, just not in room 112
Updated 05/01/2013 at 12:22 p.m.
To review, I won tickets to the Masters golf tournament. My cohorts and I have deemed ourselves too "bumpkin-esque" socially to immerse ourselves in the worldly culture of Augusta, lest our rough edges be ridiculed by the descendants of Scarlet ...
Granite, it's a tough course, but I can still make par if General Lee's horse would just shake his butt
Updated 04/24/2013 at 10:56 a.m.
I went to the Masters golf tournament this year. There, I said it. I'm trying to tell you this without it sounding like a snob job.
Life is Heald: Do I think the old guys can play softball? It sort of Depends
Published 04/17/2013 at 11:33 a.m.
Last week, I told of ending my church league softball career when a teammate started showing signs of Satan, and my subsequent move to senior league softball. We pick up on my first day, where I remain skeptical of the ...
Life is Heald: When the door to church league softball closes, will the senior league be open to Moses?
Published 04/08/2013 at 2:31 p.m.
As most of the world, and the Church League Softball Hall of Fame selection committee, surely knows, I was most recently a member of three consecutive championship teams. Hallelujah, anyone?
Life is Heald: Tonight, in the role of procrastinating, happy, hot chocolate burn victim, columnist father...me
Published 04/02/2013 at 2:48 p.m.
I am, first and foremost, last and long after, a father. It is the role God gave me, in his position as casting director for "Mankind: The Movie." Fortunately for both God and myself, Mr. G did not make use ...
Life is Heald: The ignominy of a shallow grave is a sheety way to go
Published 03/20/2013 at 5:20 p.m.
I aspire, like most folks, to die peacefully in my sleep. I do not want to go out in a vocational flame of glory, my body found slumped over the keyboard, a half-written column, probably still long enough for two ...
Life is Heald: Sorry, Scooter (not his real name), I didn't know the terrycloth would scare you so
Published 03/06/2013 at 12:32 p.m.
I try to make this column appeal to as many different types of people as possible so that one day, in the land where dreams come true, one of them might actually read it before wrapping the fish.
Life is Heald: Dear four-legged sausage, this isn't working, don't fry, it's me, not you
Published 02/27/2013 at 1:51 p.m.
I took Chowder, our beagle, to the vet last week for her annual check-up. I've got it scheduled so that, just after I get Christmas paid off, the two of us go in and drop three C-notes on the four-legged ...
Life is Heald: Slurpees, the pier and the day I caught the atomic mushroom cloud fish, part two
Published 02/19/2013 at 4:32 p.m.
The Slurpee hadn't worked. It had in the past, every time, but not this time. Always before, when we visited the pier, the brain-freeze somehow managed to suppress the memory of that fateful day, but this time it wasn't working.