COLUMNISTS

Quiet quitting is all the rage. But let's not stop there. How about 'quiet dieting'?

Like quiet quitting, it's not abandoning your diet. It’s a choice to not devote too much energy to your diet, giving yourself a chance to spend quality time with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

Rex Huppke
USA TODAY

The quaint and quotable new workplace buzzword "quiet quitting" – which isn’t quite quitting, but more like quietly curtailing your work quotient – left me querying other quotidian activities that might qualify for quieting.

First, let me catch you up on the quiet-quitting concept. It took off last month on TikTok after user Zaid Khan posted a video explaining the term and noting: “You're not outright quitting your job, but you're quitting the idea of going above and beyond.”

Quiet quitting doesn’t involve quitting at all, at least not in the traditional “take this job and shove it” sense. It just means that in a working world addicted to hustle, you’re doing exactly what your job requires of you, nothing more and nothing less, taking time to live your life outside of work.

Consider it a more alliterative way of saying “work-life balance.”

How I quietly quit, for the sake of my dog's itchy tummy

I’m a fan of the idea, and to celebrate it, after I finished looking up words that start with “qu,” I quietly quit my job and gave my dog an extended and much-deserved tummy rub. (It wouldn’t surprise me if dogs are behind the quiet-quitting movement. They have the most to gain.)

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Could dogs be behind the trend of quiet quitting?

After I quietly un-quit – post-tummy-rub – I pondered other things in life we might enjoy quietly doing less of. 

Other quiet-quitting-style things we can quietly do

Here are six extremely smart quiet ideas I hope you will quickly turn into viral buzzwords:

►Quiet dieting. Like quiet quitting, this is not a full abandonment of your diet. It’s a conscious choice to not devote too much energy to your diet, giving yourself a chance to spend quality time with a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos or reconnect with old friends, like Dairy Queen or Ronald McDonald.

Should you treat yourself to a Blizzard? If you're quiet dieting, yes, of course you should.

►Quiet parenting. Is it possible our society’s parenting-blog-induced obsession with “being there for our children” and “eating meals together as a family” has made us too devoted to our kids? Yes, it is. Quiet parenting is a movement that encourages parents to still do the basics to make sure kids survive and turn out reasonably OK, while also making sure the kids get home from school to find a note on the counter that reads: “Microwave dinner is in freezer, mom and dad will be at the bar. Don’t wait up.” This will all work out great. As a kid of the 1970s, my parents weren’t nearly as tuned in as today’s parents are – and I grew up to invent the concept of quiet dieting!

►Quiet veganism. This one’s simple. You’re vegan, but you do the bare minimum, and the bare minimum sometimes involves eating meat. But you still get to tell people you’re vegan. It’s a perfect food-life balance.

More from Rex Huppke:A defense of Domino’s Pizza, which Italy has rudely rejected. More for me, please.

More quirky, quiet strategies to improve your life

►Quiet running. This is often practiced alongside quiet dieting. It involves more sitting on the couch wearing your running shoes and less being in pain and sweating. And as with quiet veganism, you still get to tell people you’re “a runner,” aiding your body by stimulating the release of moral-superiority hormones.

This is actual running. Quiet running is more of an indoor activity.

►Quiet quacking. Applies mainly to ducks.

►Quiet liking people. We live in a divisive age, one that inspires dreams of moving to a remote lake and living among the quiet-quacking ducks. But our social mores require us to attempt to like people we regularly come in contact with, often forcing us to contort our minds to view fundamentally flawed humans as acceptable company. “Quiet liking people” allows us to continue that facade while quietly acknowledging we are only tolerating certain humans until we save enough money from the jobs we quietly quit to move to the lake with the quietly quacking ducks and quietly parent our quiet-vegan children. (If you’re quiet dieting, you’ll want to quietly make sure there’s a Dairy Queen nearby.)

Up next: loud quitting?

Now keep in mind, all these quiet approaches are guaranteed to improve your life only until the Workplace Buzzword Factory, which I assume is at the North Pole, cranks out its next big term. Maybe "quitting quiet quitting," or "Triple Q'ing."

Could be "loud quitting," I suppose. Though that might lead to "loud dieting."

I don't think any of us wants to see that.

More satire and humor columns from Rex Huppke:

Will Florida be consumed by wokeness now that DeSantis' Stop WOKE Act has been blocked?

'Defund the FBI': Trump supporters calmly react to Mar-a-Lago search

Candy corn was already an abomination. Then they made it hot-dog flavored.

Follow USA TODAY columnist Rex Huppke on Twitter @RexHuppke and Facebook: facebook.com/RexIsAJerk